Vayigash #3- Why didn't Yosef tell Yaakov he was alive??

In perek מה pesukim ד-ה, Yosef is talking to his brothers regarding the selling.

ד.וַיֹּאמֶר יוֹסֵף אֶל אֶחָיו גְּשׁוּ נָא אֵלַי וַיִּגָּשׁוּ וַיֹּאמֶר אֲנִי יוֹסֵף אֲחִיכֶם אֲשֶׁר מְכַרְתֶּם אֹתִי מִצְרָיְמָה:

:ה. וְעַתָּה | אַל תֵּעָצְבוּ וְאַל יִחַר בְּעֵינֵיכֶם כִּי מְכַרְתֶּם אֹתִי הֵנָּה כִּי לְמִחְיָה שְׁלָחַנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶם Yosef acknowledges that he was sold and that it was for a greater purpose(Hashem's action).  Ramban asks that if Yosef realized these things and was a very powerful man, why didn't he contact Yaakov to tell him he was ok? Rabbi Leibtag gives an answer to this question. He says that throughout the Torah we see the concept of נבחר ונדחה, one chosen and one rejected. For example, קין והבל or רחל ולאה. In both of these cases, one was chosen or more loved than the other, who was pushed away. R' Leibtag continues to say that Yosef thought he was the נדחה (pushed away) and the brothers were נבחר . Therefore, he didnt make an effort to contact Yaakov because he believed that just like the others who were pushed away in the torah, he wasnt meant to be chosen.  Are there any other reasons as to why Yosef didnt try and contact Yaakov? Or why Yosef acknowledged Hashem in the pasuk regarding the selling?

Vayigash #2- Why Cry?

It says in perek mem hey, pasuk yud daled it says, "וַיִּפֹּל עַל צַוְּארֵי בִנְיָמִן אָחִיו" - "Yosef fell on the neck of his brother Binyamin and wept." Rashi comments that Yosef was crying about the future destruction of the two batei hamikdash. But why was Yosef crying about the bet hamikdash now? it seems like a very random time to be thinking about the destructions.

Vayigash #1- Harnessing Chariots

וַיֶּאְסֹר יוֹסֵף מֶרְכַּבְתּוֹ, וַיַּעַל לִקְרַאת-יִשְׂרָאֵל אָבִיו גֹּשְׁנָה; וַיֵּרָא אֵלָיו, וַיִּפֹּל עַל-צַוָּארָיו, וַיֵּבְךְּ עַל-צַוָּארָיו, עוֹד -
"And Joseph harnessed his chariot and went up to meet his father, Israel, in Goshen. When he appeared to him, he fell on his neck and he wept excessively on his neck." (bereishit 46:29)

Rashi says that despite the fact that Yosef was second in command, he harnessed his own chariot in order to get it done quickly, thus being able to greet his father quicker. What is another reason Yosef may have harnessed his own chariot?

(E.C. Where else do we see a similar case in Tanach?)

Vayeshev #5- Refusing to be Comforted

After Yosef gets sold by his brothers into slavery- they do the awful act of dipping Yosef's coat into blood and bring it back to Yaakov and say "do you know whose coat this is?" Obviously Yaakov knows immediately that it was Yosef's coat- and he then rips his clothing and mourns for Yosef's death. But, in Perek ל''ז pasuk ל''ה- it says,  

And all his sons and all his daughters arose to console him, but he refused to be consoled, for he said, "Because I will descend on account of my son as a mourner to the grave"; and his father wept for him.

לה. וַיָּקֻמוּ כָל בָּנָיו וְכָל בְּנֹתָיו לְנַחֲמוֹ וַיְמָאֵן לְהִתְנַחֵם וַיֹּאמֶר כִּי אֵרֵד אֶל בְּנִי אָבֵל שְׁאֹלָה וַיֵּבְךְּ אֹתוֹ אָבִיו

So why didn't Yaakov want to be comforted?? isn't that what the point of Shiva is all about? Rabbi Jonathan Sacks brings a Midrash that says- yes you can mourn and be comforted for someone who died- but Yaakov still believed that Yosef was still alive and wouldn't accept that he was dead. Therefore, he couldn't go through the normal process of mourning. 

So why don't you think Yaakov accepted his children's comfort? Or why did he still have hope even when he had physical proof that Yosef was dead?

Vayeshev #4- Hishtadlut?

In מ:כ״ג, it is written- "ולא זכר שר-המשקים את יוסף וישכחהו״" 

meaning, "but the chamberlain of the cupbearers did not remember Yosef, and he forgot him". 

 In the book לימודי יומי, it says, many commentators ask, was it so bad that Yosef, who had been in jail for Ten years, ask someone else for help? Why was this not considered hishtadlut- effort? 

One approach to resolve this question is: Yosef was actually allowed to ask for help, however it was the way he did it that was wrong. He asked Twice, first saying "if only you would remember me" and then again, "and mention me to pharaoh". The first time was considered hishtadlut, but the second was not. 

Another approach is: Yosef was wrong because he should have realized that the chamberlain being freed was such a miracle, that it must have been part of a plan to free Yosef himself. Had he already realized this, he would have seen Hashem had a plan, and would not have needed to ask for help. 

Vayeshev #3- Shalsheles!!

In Parshat Vayeishiv, perek 39, pasuk 7-9 The wife of Potifar propositions Yosef. Yosef refuses. However, there is an interesting trop used here. It is called a shalsheles. It's used to show a separation, meaning that Yosef's refusal is separate from the pasuk. 

 וַיְהִי אַחַר הַדְּבָרִים הָאֵלֶּה וַתִּשָּׂא אֵשֶׁת אֲדֹנָיו אֶת עֵינֶיהָ אֶל יוֹסֵף וַתֹּאמֶר שִׁכְבָה עִמִּי:

וַיְמָאֵן | וַיֹּאמֶר אֶל אֵשֶׁת אֲדֹנָיו הֵן אֲדֹנִי לֹא יָדַע אִתִּי מַה בַּבָּיִת וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר יֶשׁ לוֹ נָתַן בְּיָדִי:

Why is this so? For what reason is Yosef’s response to the wife of Potifar
?“hesitant” or “separate” 

Rav Levi Yitzchak of Berdichev suggests that the shalsheles raises a person’s voice to show the disdain in moshe’s voice. When someone is disgusted by something their voice gets higher and becomes shrill. Yosef was disgusted that the wife of Potifar approached him and therefore he raised the tone of his voice. 

?What are other reasons that the shalsheles is used there  

Vayeishev #2- Loving Yosef

In this weeks parsha, parshat vayeishev, in pereck lamid zayin pasuk gimel it says

וְיִשְׂרָאֵל אָהַב אֶת־יֹוסֵף מִכָּל־בָּנָיו כִּי־בֶן־זְקֻנִים הוּא לֹו וְעָשָׂה לֹו כְּתֹנֶת פַּסִּים

Now Yisroel loved Yosef more than any of his other sons, because he was a ben zekunim to him, and he made a richly ornamented robe for him.

I chose to concentrate on the words ben zekunim.

What is the reason that Yaakov loved Yosef more than all his other children?

בן זקונים: שנולד לו לעת זקנתו. ואונקלוס תרגם בר חכים הוא ליה כל מה שלמד משם ועבר מסר לו. דבר אחר שהיה זיו איקונין שלו דומה לו:

Rashi gives three answers:

1. Because Yosef was born in Yaakov's old age so he felt a greater affection for him
2. Rashi quotes Onkelos saying: Yosef was a wise son to Yaakov, and all that he learned from the beit midrash of shem and ever, he taught to Yosef
3. the midrash says that the word זקונים is a contraction of זיו and איקונין meaning facial features, meaning that Yaakov favored Yosef because they resembled each other

what are other explanations of the words ben zekunim? if it means son of his old age, wouldn't it make more sense for his favorite to be Binyamin because he was born later?